Purpose with a side of ideas

It’s 2am.  My 1 month old son, Ethan, and I are sitting in his rocking chair while I quench his dying thirst for his liquid diet.  Every three hours you’d think he was a starving child; never fed from day one.

I watched his gaze shift towards a silhouette of my head on the adjacent wall.  A small night light propelled my shadow to epic proportions, and for a moment Ethan and I shared the same focus of amazement.  My shadow reminded me of my future-self; someone who was void of all doubt, and stood steadfast in his progression of life goals.  He knew and understood these goals well.  His passion drove him forward without hesitation.

I imagined him looking down on me and was curious as to what he would say.  Am I wasting time?  Is there purpose to my inability to focus on an idea and see to it’s completion?  I’m haunted by a drive that’s always searching for ways to challenge a part of me that wants stability.  A battle is waged every day; a war that seemingly has no end.

Purpose is an idea that is suspended from a string three feet ahead of me; jumping this way and that.  My vision is blurred; the fog of war is too thick.  I don’t have the slightest notion of what the idea is, or if I’m even close to it’s discovery with options I’m considering today.

The night light that concocted my future-self sitting next to me has purpose.  I admire the simplicity.

I’m meant to be more than this

I like to think I’m meant for something; something BIG.  Don’t you?

Each idea I stumble upon ends up being that pesky friend who still thinks it’s funny to tap you on the right shoulder, disappear to your left, and watch you spin in bewilderment as the anticipation of the moment quickly fades.  It’s was no one, a false alarm; merely someone playing tricks on you.

It’s as if my future-self is whispering to me, “This idea wasn’t the one that was going to give you purpose, Steve.  Keep searching.”

How do you know if this is the one?

You don’t.  It’s that simple.  Every idea, every aha, every learning curve you surmount only brings you closer to your moment of greatness.  You won’t know if your breakthrough is around the corner and 10 years ahead.

This is precisely the reason why giving up should never be an option.  Giving up is settling for a day job when you heart craves more than it’s eventual monotony.  Giving up is insisting on sticking with the same dead end job you’ve been putting up with since you left college, which in many times is in a different field that your primary focus of study.

If you have a burning desire emanating from deep within you to be more than you are today, refuse to give in on the battle raging against the version of yourself that craves stability.

Rock the boat.

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